Friday 11 September 2015

SFFS 12-9-2015 Mole Machine 3

This is my snippet this week for SFFSat. SFFSat is a place where a number of authors post snippets from their written works, and give the opportunity for comments, support and encouragement. Please also explore the other blogs that are part of this set - you can find the information here.



This is a sequence from a novel I worked on for a time, but never managed to get it to work. The structure is steampunk meets lost world. A mole machine has burst up out of the ground in the midst of the hidden city of Geharne. Stahlmor, leader of the Vettsch army force, has seized control with his troops. The heroine of the book, Talenne, intends to run while Stahlmor demands that the ruler of Geharne surrenders.



There was a sudden gasp from the old man. Talenne looked round to see Stahlmor casually withdrawing his sword from Turaga's stomach. The old principal's face was ashen, disbelieving, broken words half-formed on dying lips, blood trickling from the corner of his mouth. He crumpled slowly to the ground. 

Talenne snarled an obscenity in choked rage, horror and fury turning her thoughts crimson. She spun the knife in her hand at Stahlmor. The cast was swift and unthought, the blade spinning cleanly through the sunlight on the balcony. Stahlmor had already begun to turn away from his victim, and caught the glint of steel at the last moment. He twisted, trying to evade the blade. He was almost fast enough, trained military reflexes serving him well. But not well enough. The point of the knife thudded into the muscle of his shoulder, not the neck she had aimed for. His oath, in harsh Vettschian, was the least hideous sound she had heard that morning. 

A corner of her mind reminded Talenne that she had just thrown away the only weapon she had. She advised the sensible corner of her mind that knifing Stahlmor was worth it, and she then concentrated on running.

 As always, comments welcomed!

14 comments:

  1. Nice style - Garnered my attention!

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    1. Thanks! I'm thinking I ought to do some more on this.

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  2. You've lost your weapon to a superior force? Yeah, you'd better run! Nice job!

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    1. She did her best to kill the boss - she'll do better next time.

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    1. She can't port out, unfortunately - she'd much prefer to have Athanor around to pull her out of there! (Of course, Violet might not be happy about this...)

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  4. Lovely imagery in use here. From the dying principal's ashen face to "turning her thoughts crimson" you have such a contrast of extremes. For the record, "turning her thoughts crimson" has got to be my most favorite phrase I've heard all week.

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  5. Losing her knife was worth it just to inflict some pain on him - great way to show some what kind of character she is...and smart enough to take off running after she did it. Can't wait to see what happens next.

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    1. Hot-headed but not stupid - sums Talenne up pretty well.

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  6. Great snippet...and yes, killing a mortal enemy is always worth losing your favorite weapon (jury is still out on losing your *only* weapon).

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    1. I have this suspicion that if I carry on with this sequence, she'll find herself something else to use as a weapon. She doesn't strike me as the type to stay unarmed for long.

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    1. Can't blame her - but I suspect Stalhmor would kill her for it, given a chance. Let's hope he doesn't get even half a chance.

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